


Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?

by BeastGirl2k14



Series: Party Fics [1]
Category: Young Justice, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: All the bullshit, Another stupid party fic, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Gen, Implied sexual content here and there, Lots of bullshit, M/M, Multi, Other, Young Justice goes Ke$ha, underaged drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:41:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeastGirl2k14/pseuds/BeastGirl2k14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy's 21st birthday might outshine Artemis's 17th in the pure amount of unadulterated fuckery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A mini-bar of regret.

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go again.

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, your entire body numb to the world for a few blissful seconds before--- _WHY THE FUCK ARE THE LIGHTS SO FUCKING BRIGHT. FUCK.  
_

You snapped your eyes close, groaning loudly against the cold, slightly moist floor pressed against your face. Your head felt like it was going to explode and your brain is just screaming ' _Noooooofuckyou'._ You felt dysphoria rack through your body, along with the urge to just curl up into a ball and go back to sleep until a responsible fucking adult came and picked you up out of a puddle of your own vomit and vodka. 

Unfortunately, you were a 'responsible adult.' now. A responsible adult that, as of yesterday, could legally drink.

God, you smell like a mini-bar. And regret.

'Come on, Roy.' they said. 'Artemis's birthday party was like, a year ago. Don't be a whimp.' they said, pouring vodka into a funnel and burning your fucking insides out with it. 'Don't worry, the burning, nail polish remover feeling is normal! Just chase it with Sprite, man.'

You growled loud enough to hurt your own ears (which might have not actually been that loud, you're just a fucking idiot with a hangover.) You knew, you fucking _knew_ this would end up just like Artemis's birthday party. The Team seemed to pent up their emotions and urges and craziness until there was a party or really any semi-sensible reason to get hammered and duck tape each other to things. (No one is left unscathed after a game of 'Run from the speedster with rolls of duct tape.'.)

You dared to open your eyes again, squinting against the glaring lights looming above you, feeling like you were looking into multiple suns rather than some 'Mostly-Arrow-Resistant-Lightbulbs.' (There has been incidents...) The good news was, you were still in The Cave. The Bad news, SO WERE A BUNCH OF FUCKING CIVILIANS.

Your eyes zeroed in on the lump of cloth and blonde hair on the floor a few feet away from you. You were happy to find it wasn't Artemis or Wondergirl (which still left the question of where they might be.). But, you think it was one of Dick's friends from Gotham Academy. Betty or something like that. She was sprawled across a pile of those candy cane colored life saver floaty things, only wearing boxing gloves and a white bed sheet wrapped around her frame like a toga. You blearily remember her hitting on Dick last night, and Dick being an absolutely oblivious....well, dick. The boy wasn't much of a 'heartthrob' until recently, (and still he hadn't completely grown into his monkey ears), but come on, he should still have noticed all the innuendos _Beatrice_ was throwing into that conversation. You mean, _Becky_ was all over him all night. Although, Dick was in his old Robin costume all night, so _Bridgette_ (none of these names seem right.) didn't know she was hitting on Richard Grayson, Head Birdleader, Batfamily king/prince, part time model.  

You rolled onto your back, flinching away from the lights glaring down at you from above your head. You licked your lips, your tongue met by the wonderful flavor mix of vomit, chapstick and booze. Your entire mouth felt like sandpaper and tasted like you'd dragged your tongue across the bathroom of all the bars in Star City, which you might have. (Truth or dare with Dick Grayson always led to some weird shit happening.) And god damn you were thirsty. You knew you had to get up, track down your friends and clean up whatever mess you all made before Black Canary shows up and kicks all of your asses. (Probably not Zee's or Bab's. Batgirl had somehow become best friends with Canary and Zatanna's dad had to go and become the Lord of Fate so Zee had basically become Dinah's unofficial child.)

Your head was pounding and the effort that it required to get up and find an Advil seemed like way too much work. You groaned your way into a sitting position anyways, glancing at the entire scene laid around you. _Betty_ (Bethany? Bette? Maybe it was Brittany?) was still out cold on her little island of floating devices, bottles and cups littering the ground around both of you. You could see two civilians you recognized as friends of M'gann's (Marvin and Wendy.) asleep on the couch, covered in an ungodly amount of glitter.

Your stomach twisted suddenly, making you gag and choke a little, your mouth suddenly tasting worst than it had before. _Shit._ You shoved yourself onto your knees, crawling a few inches before you finally got onto your feet.  _Fucking shit._ You made a mad dash toward the bathroom with what little strength you had. 

Your chest hit the edge of the toilet just as you started retching and heaving, vomit spilling out of your mouth like you were the Niagara falls of regret. Some of it flooded into your sinuses and came out of your nose----This is fucking gross.

You heard a splash near you, but you were too busy puking up your entire stomach and probably whatever remained of your liver to give a fuck. _Try to fuck with me right now, see what happens._  

Whoever had been just chillin' in the bathtub suddenly hopped out, their feet hitting the tiles next to you with a soft _splersh._ You felt a hand pat your back, maybe trying to comfort you, maybe trying to help dislodge whatever was still left in your body. _What the fuck._

Everything in your body was finally dispelled, leaving you to dry heave for a few more minutes before you slumped down against the porcelain bowl and wiped away the manly tears the had rolled down your cheeks and the vomit on your lips. 

"Are you okay, Roy?" A stoic voice asked.

Wait was that....

_WHY WAS KALDUR JUST HANGING OUT IN THE BATHTUB. WHAT THE FUCK, YOU WEIRD INTERRACIAL FISHSTICK._

"K-Kaldur? What the hell are you doing in here?" You turned your head so you could actually look at him. You would have laughed at the tall dark skinned boy with a cartoonish rubber ducky floaty around his waist if you didn't feel like you were going to throw up some more.

"Batgirl and Nightwing locked me in here last night..." He said matter of factly.

"So, you just dec--" You stopped talking, dry heaving again. "You just decided to hang out in the bathtub with a kid's floaty?" You managed to get out gruffly. 

"Correct." He said shamelessly.

"I can respect that." It was better than what you'd probably been doing last night.


	2. Clowning around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babs is dreading having to explain her Batman tramp stamp to the Commissioner. Feat. Harley Quinn.

Your name is Barbara Gordon and currently, you are lying in a kiddie pool full of whipped cream. 

Yes. A kiddie pool. Of whipped. Cream. 

You, Barbara Gordon, Daughter of Police Commissioner James Gordon. Apprentice to Batman. Partner of Nightwing and Robin. Part time model.

_Fuck._

You've been conscious for the past hour, fully aware of all the shenanigans that went on last night, including the reason that your lower back stung and your middle finger ached. See, you have a eidetic memory, which meant you can recall everything you've ever heard, seen, smelled or tasted with perfect precision. Not even alcohol could dampen your memory much. This has always put you ahead, made you a star student, superhero and daughter, but right now, you really, _really_ wished you could forget some of the things that happened last night.

Something tapped your forehead, a perfect rhythm of 2 sets of 3 taps. You slapped the hand away with a growl. You weren't going to open your eyes. You were going to wait until Batman showed up, scolded you, Jason and Dick and then carried you home so your father could scold you too. You were 130% done with being a 'responsible' person. You'd been keeping your friends alive all night and only a few hours ago gotten to sleep. In a kiddie pool of whipped cream....

The tapping continued and you felts someone lean over you. A giggle next to your ear raised the ginger hairs on the back of your neck, making your groan and swat the hand tapping in between your eyebrows away. 

"Ah, Come on, Baby Bat!" A familiarly fruity voice said. "Get up! There's so much fun to be had!" 

You groaned again, your eyes fluttering open slowly to see the owner of the way-too-peppy-voice, your vision was still blurry and out of focus. You blinked as the 3 red and black clowns merged into one.

"Ugghh, Harley, why are you still here?"

Yes, Harley Quinn, sidekick and love interest to Batman's archenemy had joined the party last night too. On her own, she was relatively harmless, her kind of mischief not usually resulting in any casualties (maybe a trip to the hospital, but not to the morgue.) and with 'Mr. J' out of action for the past couple of months, none of you or your drunken companions thought much of her tagging along. Batman, on the other hand, might have a few words to say if he found the awfully peppy villain lounging around in The Cave with you all.

"I just couldn't resist the joy of seeing you and your little hero friends cleaning up last nights mess!" Harley laughed, sliding her finger across a cloud of white cream surrounding your body and popping it into her mouth. "Oh! And how does your back feel, Tatgirl?" She grinned too brightly, making your head ache. 

You frowned, the dull sting on your back seeming to become more vivid when Harley reminded you of it. You growled almost animalistically at her and, To her credit, her smile didn't even falter and she stayed crouched gracefully next to you. Unfortunately for her, this frustrated you enough to spurr you into action, your aching mind pushing you forward, lunging at the girl and her slightly smudged face paint. 

She leaned back a little bit, avoiding the fist you flung lazily at her, still grinning like the Joker....although a lot less creepily.. 

"Okay, okay, calm down, Batbrat." She said, holding her hands up in surrender. "It's temporary ink. No worries!"

You already knew this, you were slightly more worried about your father seeing it before it faded. No crop tops for you for a little while. 

"Still aches like hell." You whined, leaning back down into the kiddie pool. 

"You know what would get your mind off of that, Baby Bat?" Harley asked rhetorically. "Seeing where the big tweety bird ended up. Or, Oo, Where that sassy magician trapped Mr. Speedy Ginger man." 

You raised your eyebrows, assuming 'Big tweety bird.' was Harley speak for Nightwing. Whom, if you recall correctly, was wearing his Robin outfit last night. (Him and Jason got up to some very annoying pranks.) And the Sassy Magician and 'Mr.Speedy Ginger man' were Zatanna and Wally. Maybe Roy, but probably Wally.

"Why can't you just call me Batgirl." You grumbled, looking at your hand. One of your fingers was still broken and swollen from you and Wondergirl getting into a drunk sparring match last night, a truth or dare dare from none other than Richard Grayson. Neither of you won said match because you ended up in a laughing, hugging, bruised pile after about 5 minutes. (Jason still owed you 20 bucks though, because you both lasted longer than 3 minutes.)

"Well that wouldn't be very entertaining, now would it, Baby Bat?" 

Hhhh, you had to admit, her nicknames were actually sort of endearing. In an odd, you're-my-mentor's-archenemy's-sidekick-sort-of,-but-also-kind-of-my-friend-I-guess?-way. You don't think she actually called anyone by their actual names, so.

"Whatever. Help me up." You said, sitting up and holding your hands out to her. She grabbed your wrists, maybe purposely avoiding your broken finger (which was also sort of endearing.) maybe just to give her better leverage and tugged you forward. 

Harley was much stronger than she looked, you knew this, but you still yelped a little when she yanked you out of the kiddie pool of whipped cream with one rough tug. Your sore shoulders were not to happy about this and your back popped loudly enough to make you both wince. Your cream covered boots slid a little on the floor, Harley gladly catching you, spinning you around like you were dancing. 

"'Round and 'round we go, where Batgirl stops, no one knows." She giggled, letting you go to slip and slide across the floor of the gym. 

You let out another vicious growl, in no way up for her _clowning_ around.

"Knock it off, Harley." You grumbled, the traction on you boots keeping you from falling face first on the ground. Barely. 

You wiped the whipped cream off of your Batsuit, glad it had protected your body from getting sticky in places you did not want to be sticky. It hadn't protected the ends of your hair though, now stuck together in clumps of ginger. You groaned. You needed a shower for more than 12 different reasons right now and you doubted you were going to get one until everyone was rounded and cleaned up first.

"Don't be such a downer, Baby Bat." Harley stuck her feet in some of the whipped cream that you had trailed on the floor and started sliding around you, giggling like a maniac. "I can see the mischief in those sky blue eyes of yours." She said, waving her fingers around in front of your face. You slapped her hand away and crossed your arms. Your head was aching too much to even make up with any sort of comeback. 

"I just want to make sure all of my friends are alive and then I want to take a shower and sleep for the next three year, okay, Harley?" You said, sounding as exhausted as you felt. "No mischief."

Harley laughed again, skating a circle around you on the slicked gym floor like a twisted ballerina. Honestly, that reaction didn't reassure you in the slightest, and you don't think it was suppose to. 

"Whatever you say, Ginger Bat." Harley Quinn grinned deviously, skidding to a stop in front of you. "Last I saw of Wonder Blondie, she was being chased around by little tweety bird and baby faced Superman." She pointed dramatically in the direction of the rest of the cave.

_Why can't she just call people by their actual names??_

"Come on, Baby Bat, I'll show you the way." Harley did an impressive series of back hand springs toward the door out of the gym, leaving a trail of oily, whipped cream foot prints in her wake. 

You really had no choice but to follow her. Even if she had not clue where she was going, you could at least keep an eye on her so she doesn't cause anymore destruction than you sure she already has.


	3. Woh ot eruc a revognah.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 superheros refuse to come out of the closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rises from the dead and gives y'all another chapter.*

Your mouth tasted like the inside of a tin can.

It was the first thing you noticed as your the world trickled back into your groggy,  _slightly_ alcohol addled senses.You swirled your tongue around your mouth, surprised there wasn't even the vaguest hint of vodka or beer to sour your taste.

_Must've already mouth washed it up._

Honestly, you were just glad your mouth didn't taste like _vomit_ or _regret_ this time around. After your birthday, you'd gotten real into stocking up on _ridiculous_ amounts of mouthwash and breath mints, because damn, the only thing worse than a morning after hangover is morning after breath. Ick.

You kept your eyes closed a little longer, hoping beyond hope that you were going to open them and find yourself still in the Cave...or at least still in America. (With Dick Grayson and games of Truth or Dare, you could never be sure.)

You focused on the chorus of low pitched snores that seemed to surround you. Who ever you were using as a pillow seemed to be the source of some of the snores, while who ever was using _you_ as a pillow seemed to be the source of the rest.

_Please don't be bears, please don't be bears, please don't be bears, please don't be bears._

You turned your head slightly, your cheek brushing against warm tufts of fur ( _oh god it's bears._ ) as your nose ended up pressed against soft, lavender scented hair.

_Oh good, I won't be mauled to death alone._

You blinked a few times as the world came into focus, glossy black hair and wooden shelves were the first things you could see.

_Maybe not bears...._

You nuzzled gently against the side of Zee's head, winning you a few sleepy grumbles. Adorable. You chuckled against messy locks of black hair and tried to stretch your legs. This proved to be a little harder than expected with Zatanna's legs already wrapped tightly around yours.

"Zee." You murmured softly, almost silently. She untangled one of her legs from yours, only to bring her knee up over your waist semi-possessively, semi-don't-you-fucking-move-i-am-still-sleeping.

 _I think I might have a better chance of getting away from bears than I do from Miss. Morning Person._ You thought idly as Zee's knee made contact with whatever was putting pressure on your stomach.

"...Ow! Watchit." A deep voice growled.

_Talking bears._

_*_

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION THAT YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS!" Dick shouted, storming in the opposite direction of a very distraught looking speedster.

"YOU CAN'T ASK ME TO MAKE A DECISION LIKE THAT!" Wally yelled desperately as he followed after him, sloshing his drink as he ran.

"Ah yes, the struggle of being a side bitch to tacos." Rocket giggled from next to you. You sputtered out a laugh, leaning against the granite kitchen counter in front of you, trying not to fall over.

_White girl wasted already. Jade would be so disappointed._

"I need the address of the individual responsible for 'strawbeeritas'. I want to send them gift basket." Karen slurred from her perch on Mal's lap, holding up a Margarita glass full of a bright almost neon red liquid. Mal and Karen were at just the right amount of drunk to be absolutely _hilarious_ , but not because they were throwing up all over the place or falling over.

You laughed, a little too loud and little too long (you were too drunk right now and the party had only been going on for a few hours.), but no one cared. Everyone was just a little too drunk to judge anyone else's drunkenness.

"Who wants to play BEER POOOOONG!?" Lagoon Boy shouted from the other side of the kitchen, holding up a stack of red solo cups and a package of ping pong balls.

"I doooo!" You heard Zatanna's Gretchen-Weiners-esk-voice from behind you. You turned around to watch her twirl around on the table she'd been dancing on for the last 12 minutes to a selection of  _classic_ Ke$ha songs, only to trip over her own feet and off the side of the table.

"Zee!" You shouted and everyone paying attention lurched forward.

_Thumpcrack._

_*_

You feet hit the wet pavement with loud _paps_ as you clutched a large watermelon to your chest. Your hand was full of crumpled cash and a bus pass. If you tried hard enough, you could totally be in New Mexico by sunrise.

You kept running, putting all of your effort into pushing your body forward at top speeds. You slid on the pavement as you turned a sharp corner, the streetlight above you flickering, giving this situation an even more ominous vibe.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck."

_*_

You groaned and rubbed your head. Trying to remember things right now was no good. Somehow you'd managed to avoid any particularly painful headaches, unlike your companions, but you sure as _hell_ didn't escape all of them.

"Stupid La'gaan and his stupid Beer Pong." Zatanna grumbled loudly, leaning her forehead against your shoulder. The scent of lavender hit your nose again. You always liked being near her because her scent would always cover up the light Gotham musk that seemed to be embedded in your skin.

She once commented on how you and Dick smelled really similar. You couldn't help the tiny flame of jealousy that lit in your core....

It had been a fight to even get Zatanna to let go of you and sit up at first. She would probably sleep for the next 3 years if you'd let her, but, unfortunately you were ' _the worst, oh my god let me die here, Artyyy.'._ She probably had a concussion and you were not going to let her die in her closet with a box of Lucky Charms that you think she may have fist fought Wally for.

You rubbed the sides of her head, winning you a few approving sounds, as you watched Mal wrestle his shoes away from Wolf. The one bad thing about Zatanna getting 'crunk', as Wally would put it, was that she couldn't heal hangovers if she had one. Something about not being able to concentrate while ' _my head is being slowly crushed under the weight of my own stupidity, omg kill me._ '

"So, One minute you were playing beer pong, and the next minute you were sprinting downtown with a watermelon. What the hell happened in between?" Mal asked as he pulled his (slightly slobbery) shoes on.

"I have no clue." You said, turning your body so you were at a better angle to massage Zee's head. "Last thing I remember was trying to keep Zee from passing out while playing Beer Pong at the same time."

"I had a concussion..." Zatanna filled in, a bit monotoned as she leaned into your touch. "...And you kept telling me not to sleep or else I'd die."

"Wait, wait. I remember that. You fell off that table, hit your head and twisted your ankle....and then paid me to carry you to your room." Mal added. You have no clue how he managed a hangover so well. You could tell he was in pain from the way his jaw clenched occasionally, but he wasn't whining about it like you and Zee. (Whining makes it feel better, you swear.)

You laughed, pressing your fingertips a little firmer against Zee's temples. She let out a small groan and leaned closer to you, her eyes fluttering closed. You smiled and kneaded your fingers a little harder, giggling a little at the noise she made in response.

"Sounds like something Zee would do." You said, watching her face as you continued.

"Lesson learned: No more Vodka and Toaster Strudel while table dancing." Zatanna said, grabbing your hands and pulling them away from her head. You gave her a questioning look as she intertwined your fingers together. "I'm going to fall asleep if you keep doing that." She explained.

_*_

 "I found the vodka! it was hiding in the orange juice." Barbara called, her head popping up from behind the refrigerator door. "Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight!" She proclaimed, flipping her ginger hair over her shoulder. 

Cassie, Jaime, Jason and Karen all 'Woooo'ed from the living room, playing a really intense game of Dance Dance Revolution.

You threw a ping pong ball at a table full of beer cups, watching M'gann intently, (making sure she didn't pull any funny telekinetic business). You watched your ball bounce on the rim of one cup and land in the beer of another one with a splash.

"Ha! Drink up Labooze Boy!" You laughed. La'gaan gave you an annoyed look, grabbing the cup and downing it in one gulp. You crinkled up your nose when he spit out the ball onto the table.

You turned your head back to Zatanna, who was sitting on the counter in front of you, holding a bag of peas to the side of her head like an injured kid. You gave her a sympathetic smile, putting your hands just above her knees and gently squeezing your fingers. She squirmed a little and met your gaze. 

"You feel any better?" You asked, leaning closer to her, trying to see if her pupils were dilated or something. That's what Jade always used to check for, right?

"Mmmmnot really." Zee said. She gave you an obnoxiously adorable smile as she put the peas down on the counter next to her. "I think I'm going to go take a nap..."

"You might have a concussion, Zatanna." You said, pressing down on her thighs a little, pinning her in place.

"Sooooo? Even more reason for nap time." She slurred slightly, putting her hands on your shoulders, pushing on you half-assedly.

"No. Even less of a reason for nap time, Zee." You insisted. She gave you a look and you knew she was considering casting a spell on you. You weren't worried. She was too drunk to manage anything major. 

"Mal! Mal Mal Mal! Malcolmmmm...." Zee waved her hand, over your shoulder, at Mal, who was watching M'gann take body shots off of Conner's abs. "Mal, I will pay you..." Zatanna's slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket. "I will pay you...3 dollars and a magic shot glass...." She held out her hand with the crumpled up bills and a small purple glass. "If you'll carry me to my room."

"Deal." Mal's bassy voice was suddenly behind you.

_Goddammit._

_*_

"Did I change clothes last night?" Zatanna asked, regarding her loose Tshirt and shorts.

You, Zee and Mal had all decided _against_ actually getting up and helping clean up the aftermath of last night, and spent the last 10 minutes constructing a blanket fort in Zatanna's closet instead. Wolf was currently serving as your pillow again as you _casually_ rummaged through some of Zee's drawers.

"Seven times." You replied, mentally adding that you'd been there for at least 3 of them and none of the changes involved magic.

"The most notable outfits were the UFC Fighter and the Top hat Pirate." Mal said, lounging against a pile of pillows that Zatanna had used all of her concentration to make.

"Top Hat Pirate was my favourite." You added. "Why do you have Season 1 of Gray's Anatomy in your underwear drawer?"  You questioned, holding up the DVD boxset, glancing over at Zee with raised eyebrows and the makings of a smirk on your face.

"Why are you in my underwear drawer?" Zatanna shot back, meeting your gaze with a smirk already on her lips.

_Dammit._

"Touche." You said, giving her a smile and returning the DVDs back to their lacey, cottony home.

If Mal's phone hadn't rang, you probably would have completely forgotten he was there and continued on with a little more banter with your favourite hungover magician, as you do, but alas, the tune of 'Bad Girls' (By M.I.A., Mal would add as he defended it. "They're a great band.") came on and broke the palpable tension.

"Hello?" Mal cleared his throat and answered. "What? No, I'm fine.....Yes...Okay....No, I haven't seen Superboy.....Nowhere. Okay. Okay...." Mal nodded over and over again, the voice on the other end of the call too quiet for even Artemis's sharp ears to pick up. "Mhm...Well...It's 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test,so.... How's your day been?"

You and Zatanna both stifled back laughter. It was really hard not to be immature and make weird noises in the background of Mal's call, but you both stayed quiet for the sake of not being 5 year olds. This time...

"Okay. Okay, I'll put her on." Mal looked at you and then held out his cell phone, dark brown eyes glinting mischievously.

_Uh oh._

You gave him a questioning look as you took the phone and put it to your ear.

"Hello?"

"Artemisssss." A familiar voice whined from the other side of the call. "Come hang out with me and Dicckkkk."

"...Wally?" You raised your eyebrows. "Is that a euphemism?" You grinned. You saw an opportunity for a joke and you took it, okay?

"Ha. Ha. Ha. No. But it can be if you want it to." You could almost hear the smirk in Wally's voice.

"You wish." You shot back. Zatanna arched an eyebrow at you, tilting her head slightly.

_Cutie._

"I'm watching the World Cup in bed, half naked with Dick and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?"

"America. And, As fun as that sounds...." You rolled your eyes. When the world came back into focus, Zatanna was in front of you, taking the phone out of your hand. You raised your eyebrows at her.

"Artemis has to go now, byyyeee." She said and then tapped the screen, hanging up the call.

_*_

"10 bucks on Babs." You said, handing a 10 dollar bill to Dick.

"Ooo, I don't think your fingers are suppose to bend like that..." Jason cringed from next to you, watching a blonde girl flip a ginger over her shoulder. 

You watched Barbara and Cassie throw giggly punches and try to tackle each other for the next 2 minutes before they both ended up on the ground, laughing and hugging like the weirdos they were. Harley Quinn backflipped into the ring and held up a handmade sign that only had a crudely drawn self portrait on it.

"Who won?" Beast Boy asked, trying to see past all of you. He was the only sober one out of all of you, probably because M'gann had forbid anyone from giving, letting him consume or even look at, alcohol.

"I...don't know...." Dick said, confusion crinkling at his brow. Him and Jason looked A LOT like brothers, especially while wearing their Robin outfits and confused looks on their pretty boy faces.

"ARTEMIS!"

_Oh shit._

"YOU BROKE CONNER'S ARM WITH A WATERMELON??"

_Oooooh shit._

You turned around to see a fuming, literally fuming, M'gann storming toward you. It probably didn't help your case that you were currently holding a watermelon or that it was wearing Conner's shirt. You went with your reflexes and reached over, snatching up the wad of money Dick was holding and then sprinted toward the nearest exit.

_*_

"It was like you forgot how to talk normally." Mal said "Everything you said either came out backwards or in song form." He continued. "And I couldn't find Artemis so I just let you take a nap."

"She could have died." You added as you flipped through your phone, looking for hangover cure recipes. Zatanna was already sitting crosslegged in front of a blender making a ' _Super-anti-hangover smoothie_ ' that Mal had found the recipe for earlier.

"Well, I'm still alive right now soooo." Zatanna said as she dipped her finger into the lime green concoction and popped it into her mouth. She crinkled up her nose and shook her head. "Nope. Nope. That's awful."

"Try adding---"

Someone opened the door of Zatanna's closet and stumbled in.

"Oh..Hey Robin." Zatanna smiled and waved sweetly.

"You won't believe what---"

"I don't care." Jason held up his hand "All I care about is the story behind the toaster ending up in the microwave." He said.

You all shrugged, looked at each other and shrugged some more.

"No clue, kid." Mal said.

"Okay, nevermind then." He turned around and left without another word.

"You put it in the microwave didn't you?" You said, looking at Zee.

"I really really wanted my Toaster Strudel to be done faster."

_*_

"Sh sh sh." Zee slurred, taking the beer bottle out of your hand. "You don't understand it's magical properties." She insisted.

You rolled your eyes as you watched her put the bottle on the couch cushion next to her, sitting the remote in front of it and whispering something that was no doubt complete backwards gibberish.

"Zatanna, you're drunk." You said, even though, you were in no way anymore sober than her. You just weren't as much of a fucking _lightweight_.

"I'm drunk? IIIIIII'm drunk?" She slurred more, pointing at herself with one hand and grabbing your shoulder with the other. "Do you even have a phD? Nooo? Well then you're drunk." She tapped your nose gently with her finger.

"Yep. Yep that's true." You nodded, giggling a bit as you leaned closer to her. "But you're really really drunk." You said. You were still covered in watermelon and beer, (and maybe blood. You don't know why you guys thought tapping the keg with a hammer was a good idea.) but neither of you really minded.

"Yes...But I'm...I'm magic!" She gave you a silly smile, leaning closer to you until you were barely inches apart. "And therefore, you should let me...take a nap. Because...I...am MAGICCC." She giggled along with you, using your shoulder to keep her balance.

"I know you are." You smiled. "But you still have a concussion." You reasoned.

"Laaaame." She said, looking at you through her eyelashes, which was, wow really _unfair._ "Just a small nap."

"Nooooo, Zee. I don't want you to dieeee." You slurred, leaning just a little closer. You could feel her alcohol riddled breath hitting your lips and it was strangely _enticing_.

"How are you going to keep me awake, Arty?" She asked, almost as if it were a challenge. "I can sleep in a lot of weird posit--"

Before she could even finish her sentence you leaned forward and covered her mouth with a sloppy kiss. She didn't even miss a beat and before you knew it, she was kissing back with a surprising fervor.

_*_

You both drunkenly stumbled toward her closet, holding onto each other and giggling like the white girls you apparently were. You could feel the smudges of lipstick she left on your lips and jaw, but you were honestly just a little too drunk to actually give a fuck. You both kept a slurred conversation going, even as you entered her pitch black room.

The light in her closet was on, casting slivers of gold through the slats of the door. You both exchanged questioning looks.

"...I didn't turn that on...." She whispered loudly to you.

"Omg ghosts." You whispered back, holding onto her coattails like reins.

"I bet it's Harley..." Zee said. "She's...she's probs just going through all my clothes...right? That' totes a thing she would do..."

"Totes." You agreed hesitantly, trailing behind her as she inched toward the door of her closet.

_*_

"Wait...But you fist fought Wally for...a box of cereal?" Mal asked, interrupting Zee from describing everything she remembered from last night.

"That's really not the point!"


	4. Bad Girls.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Text log between Barbara and Cassie.

Cass: Are you at the party yet?

Babs: Didn't it just start?

Cass: Yeah, but I had to help set up. Stupid Nightwing.

Babs: Ahhh. Well, I'm on my way. Had to pick a present up for Roy.

Cass: Hurry up, Red.

Cass: I'm wearing an American flag as a costume.

Cass: Best decision of my life.

Cass: Come Pledge Allegiance to my ass with Wally and Jason.

Babs: Well I'm running now. God Bless America.

Cass: Hahaha.

 

_An hour later:_

Babs: Cassie. They're jousting now. Do something.

Cass: Busy stuffing one dollar bills in Zatanna's fishnettttss.

Babs: Is she dancing on tables again?

Cass: Always.

Babs: Classy girl.

Cass: Classy never trashy.

Babs: That's the motto.

Babs: Come enjoy the pregame with me, Rocket and Jaime.

Cass: And by pregame you mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids?

Babs: Precisely.

Cass: I'm coming.

 

_30 minutes later:_

Cass: wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Cass: ooooooooooooo i'm drink

Babs: Cassie.....

Cass: I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka.

Babs: Cassandra....

Cass: Fine, A raw potato and Kid Flash's boxers.

Babs: Uh....You know what, deal.

Cass: I'm in the kitchen.

 

_45 minutes later:_

Babs: Is Zatanna okay?

Cass: Yep. I think she was making out with Artemis.

Cass: And then she paid Mal to carry her somewhere.

Babs: Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, homo magi heart.

Babs: I'm watching Artemis and Conner throw Watermelons at each other right now.

Cass: Uh huh? Sounds...interesting.

Babs: One of them is going to die tonight, I swear.

 

_10 minutes later:_

Babs: Meet me in the Gym. Nightwing dared me to spar with you. I have 10 bucks riding on this, Cass.

Cass: You're on.

 

_30 minutes later:_

Cass: Sorry about your finger.

Babs: It is soooooo fine. Omg. I love you, Cass. Cassie. Cassandra. Cass-Sand-Dra. Hhaah.

Cass: Oh gods. Did you get drunker?

Babs: *Happier.

Cass: You're a dork.

Babs: You're like 12, you can't call me a dork, you dork.

Cass: Feelings=Hurt.

Babs: I shed a single tear for you.

Cass: I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now, Babs.

Babs: Will you ever forgive me, Cass?

Cass: Haha. Make the kitchen floor stop waving. I'm trying to lay on it.

Babs: I would tell you talk to Zee, but she literally just looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because I was singing Lady Gaga....then she fell over.

Cass: She's learned from you well.

Babs: Shut up.

 

_12 minutes later:_

Cass: Harley and Karen are looking for you.

Cass: I've just informed them that I've voted you Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that you will take the oath of office on Fri June 14th at 8 pm with your hand on a bottle of Jager.

Babs: Perfect.

Babs: I'm getting a tattoo, brb.

Cass: As your friend, I'm going to say: It better be my fucking name.

 

_30 minutes later:_

Babs: I regret.

Cass: I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

Babs: I blame Artemis and Roy.

Cass: Same.

Babs: I just locked Kal in the bathroom. Nightwing says hi.

Cass: Good job. Hiiiiii NW.

 

_22 minutes later:_

Babs: I...am going to sleep now.

Babs: I hope you survived the night.

Babs: See you in the morning.

Babs: P.S. Cass pls don't be dead.

 

_The following morning:_

Cass: Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

Babs: Trying to keep Harley from causing anymore trouble. Just found Roy and Kaldur aggressively brushing their teeth in the bathroom.

Cass: Hhh, I'm so confused.

Babs: Anything but a cup.

Cass: Hm?

Cass: Oh.

Cass: Oooooh.

Cass: The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath in Zee's room.

Babs: You're in Zee's room?

Cass: Yeeep. Listening to Zee, Arty and Mal talking in the closet.

Babs: Why are they in the closet?

Cass: *Wink wonk*

Babs: Haha. But seriously...

Cass: I have no clue.

Cass: It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point....

Babs: Nope, that was me.

Cass: Ahhh. Hows that tramp stamp feel by the way?

Babs: I don't want to talk about it....

Cass: Hahaha.

Babs: What eyeshadow color says "yes I am a Superhero, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"?

Cass: Gold. I thought you were keeping an eye on Harley.

Babs: Roy and Kaldur are doing it now.

Cass: Oh are they?

Babs: Get out of here, pervert.

Cass: ;)

Cass: Shame tastes like tuna and latex.

Babs: What did you do last night???

Cass: All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. And taking body shots off of M'gann and Conner.

Cass: I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway...

Babs: That was Jason dressed as a Cowboy.

Babs: Assless chaps, Cassie. Assless. Chaps.

Cass: I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

Babs: I don't think Wonderwoman will allow that, Cass.

Cass: *Wonder Woman. And yeah...good point.

Cass: Weren't you hanging out with Dick and Wally last night?

Babs: Yeah, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes....

Cass: Do you know where they went??

Babs: Nope.

Cass: Worrying.

Babs: Very.

Cass: Come hang out with meeeee.

Babs: Fine. But you have to help me clean up. I do not want Canary seeing the mess out here and murdering us.

Cass: Ugh. Fine.

Babs: Great! On my way.


	5. LAZERBAWLS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The highlights of the Boy's morning after and a few flashbacks to the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Super speed writes this and apologizes for the wait.* I've been v busy, but I'll try to update this fic a little more often. Anyway, enjoy some implied gay and a little bit of not so implied gay. Givin' my Birdflash shippers a little love.

"Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila and discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves." Roy shouted lowly, raising a shot of tequila above his head with a almost battle cry-like cheer.

_*_

"Why......did I wake up....wearing a leash?" Dick groggy voice growled as he stumbled into the room you were crashed in. You looked up from your laptop, regarding his change in wardrobe, the tight, slightly undersized Robin outfit long discarded. A pair of The Flash boxers (yes, you forced him to wear those.) covered his body from waist to his mid thigh, (Wow, dudes got hairy legs), a tight wifebeater covered his chest and cracked sunglasses concealed his eyes.

"It was for your own good. You were doing backflips off of everything." You replied, dragging your gaze back to your computer screen. "How did you even get here? Roy, Batgirl and I tied you to a street lamp."

"I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home." He said as he crawled into the bed next to you, falling face first onto the plush pillows unceremoniously.

 _*_

"Why the fuck is your number under my phone as Papi Chulo?" You asked accusingly.

"I had nothing to do with that." Dick said, watching channels flash by on the TV.

"Wait! Go back, World Cup's on 87." You said, waving your hand at the screen.

"Let's go Germany!" You cheered.

"Dude, no. Argentina all the way." Dick said, elbowing you in the ribs.

"Shut your dirty whore mouth."

"Bitch, you wanna go?"

"I'll fucking fist fight you." You said, rising up onto your knees, fist raised.

"Let's fucking go." Dick said, barely finishing his sentence before he was tackling you.

_*_

"Zatanna stole the phone and hung up on me." You said with a frown, looking at Dick as you pulled the phone away from your ear.

"5 bucks that their making out and Mal's filming it." He said, typing away on your laptop.

"Hey! That's my sort-of-girlfriend!" You protested. Dick raised his eyebrows at you. "Okay, nope, still hot." You relented with a smile.

"What's going on with you two anyway?" He asked, his eyes returning to your laptop.

"We're...sort of together? I mean, she's got her thing with Zee and I've got my thing with that hot news lady, sooo."

"You mean the blonde that works with your aunt?"

"That's the one!" You grinned, putting a finger on your nose and pointing at Dick. He rolled his eyes behind his shades.

_*_

"I want a burrito" You murmured, slumped against the side of the bed, your laptop retrieved and in your lap.

"Truly you are the voice of the generation" Dick mumbled, tapping at his phone.

"Didn't I have a burrito last night?" You asked, glancing over at him. 

He gave you the most innocent look he could manage, his eyebrows raising slightly above his sunglasses.

"You bastard." You growled, starting to put the puzzle peices together. "You fucking bastard....You...You can't just fuck with someone elses burritos, man!"

"You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

_*_

"I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet." You mumbled, leaning on Artemis. You had yet to come up with a snarky comment about the fact that there was watermelon in her hair and lipstick on her shirt collar, but you'd get there.

Dick and Barbara finally looked away from each other to give you an almost identical 'The fuck?' look. Barbara's cowl had been discarded now that Harley was off bothering Karen somewhere else, (though, you're all pretty sure Joker and Harley both know all of your identities. Weird fucking creepy ass clown bullshit.)

"You'll...probably be fine." Dick said slowly, looking at Babs and Artemis who both nodded, looked at each other and then nodded again.

_*_

"He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."" You said, gesturing with your hands. "So, I doubt we'll see Conner today...."

Dick winced visibly, shifting uncomfortably. "Dude, no."

_*_

"No, its okay don't call 911, she's alive. She locked herself in M'gann's room. She said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarrassment"." Mal's voice bellowed from the speaker of your phone. 

"Typical." You remarked. "Well, if she ever comes out, tell her I have the underwear she threw at me."

"Will do. Mal out."

You scoffed and let the phone and your hand drop to the bed next to you. "Why does he hang up like that?" You laughed, looking at Dick, perched in his spot next to you, eying you curiously.

"Because, he does it "done right"" Dick smiled.

_*_

"NO HOMO." You hissed, backing up so fast you slammed your head against the wall of the small closet you were in. (No pun intended, you're really in a closet.)

"Dude, chill." Dick said, not nearly as freaked as you. Which was weird, because you were the one who leaned in and kissed him. Blame it on the alcohol.

_blAME IT ON THE GOOSE, GOT YOU FEELIN' LOOSE. BLAME IT ON THE 'TRON, GO YOU IN---Not now, Brain._

"That's what you're suppose to do in Seven minutes in Heaven." He chuckled. 

"No homo." You whispered, more humorously this time. He rolled his eyes.

_*_

"'You don't know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night'" You said, reading a text from a certain Boy of the Lagoon aloud to Dick.

"Especially if that bike is driven by Jason." Dick added.

_*_

"What the hell are you---" Barbara's voice startled both of you. "You now what, nevermind, I don't care." She said, holding up her hand, Cassie in tow behind her. "We can't find Raquel and there's exploded watermelon and whipped cream...everywhere."


	6. Life for us heroes isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs, you know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But when it is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to become a thing, I've been very busy.

"That girl is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment." Artemis murmured as she raked her messy blonde hair back into a manageable golden pony tail. You helped her get the last of the watermelon seeds out, dropping them in one of many trash cans spread across the cave. Clean up so far was going well. 'Well' as in you hadn't found any dead bodies and Babara and Dick were still getting things done while staring longingly at each other.

"Damn straight." You agreed, watching Zatanna use as many spells as possible to make the job easier. Foamy clouds of whipped cream flew into various trash cans, barely missing Cassie's head, and the wasted shards of Watermelon rines followed closely after.

"Watch it!" Cassie snarled, lifting the misplaced couch above her head almost threatingly.

"You're the one who decided to bring the watermelon." Zatanna grumbled back at her. Hangovers and tensions were running high and blood sugars were running low, so it was that surprising that Cassie and Zee were getting snippy at each other. Normally they were pretty good friends, only ever arguing about who was the best archer out of the arrow family, but Zatanna had already accidentally insulted Cassie's competence...

"At least I'm actually doing work instead of sitting around and trying to get magic to do it or me." Cassie barked, slamming the couch back down into the living room.

"It's not my job to clean up after you, Cassandra." Zee seethed, her hands sparking with a gold glow.

"Okay! That's enough out of both of you." Barbara piped up finally. "I have to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on last night because they were signed as Lady Gaga, please don't kill each other while I'm gone." She said, tossing her wavy ginger hair over her shoulder as she looked up at Dick. He gave her a look and you watched silently as they had a conversation with tiny movements of their eyebrows. Barbara finally turned back around and made confident steps toward the Zeta Tubes. She was the epitome of class and put-togetherness, which was beyond respectable after what you saw her do last night.

"Please." She repeated, slightly lower as she put a hand on Zatanna's forearm. You watched their small facial expression exchange, wondering to yourself whether or not that was a BatFamily thing (Which Zatanna was somewhat an extended part of.) or a Barbara thing. Zatanna finally nodded.

"Perfect, I'll be back soon." Barbara said, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Dick. "You coming too, Richard?" She smiled.

You didn't hear the rest of their conversation, but you were sure it was flirty and stupid and they'd probably be making out for the next hour.

"You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle." Artemis said, tossing said mustard bottle and a ripped up pair of white headphones into a black trash can with and echoing clunk.

"You have no proof that was me." Wally stated indignantly.

"Really? Do you want me to check the internal cameras to see all the things you did last night?" Artemis threatened.

Wally thought about it for a few seconds, tapping his chin and swishing it around in his head like he was tasting wine. Finally he put his hands up in surrender. Artemis gave him a smug smirk and continued cleaning up the beer bottles and streamers strewn around the room.

_*_

"What happened after I fell asleep?" Zatanna asked Artemis, both of them on their hands and knees trying to scrub up someones blood. (You all were still trying to find the source.)

You were excused from clean up work on account of Harley 'accidentally' hitting you in the knees with a comically monstrous mallet.

"I saw a rat" was her excuse.

"The 1st or 3rd time?" Artemis asked.

"The 4th."

"Babs, Cassie and I marathoned Hot in Cleveland and we got married." Arty explained as if it was a regular Tuesday. (Which, for her, for most of you, it sort of was.) She continued scrubbing at the blood, hardly getting much of it up.

"Again?" Zee smiled her almost trademark I'm-so-cute-it-should-be-illegal-right? smile at Artemis, whose cheeks flushed an obvious pink tint.

 _Get a room._ You thought fondly. You had to admit, you liked it a lot more when The Team was all a little bit infatuated with each other rather than fighting and passive-aggressively ignoring each other. That was just awkward for all of you in a functional, consistent relationship.

"Mhm. It was a beautiful ceremony." Artemis continued, plunging a bright pink (slightly bloody) sponge into a bucket of water to her left, saturating it with water. 

"Is that why I woke up with a piece of green cloth tied around my finger?" Zatanna asked, whispering a few backwards words and waving her hand over the stubborn blood splotch staining the concrete of the floor before Artemis could continue trying to scrub it up.

"Mmmmmhm." Artemis affirmed. You both watched as the blood disappeared and the grey stone beneath was spotless once again.

"Ta-da." Zee said sing-songedly, cerulean eyes sparkling.

 

"You're amazing." The blonde archer laughed, relieved to be relieved of her work.

You were so glad that that god-awful hangover cure actually worked. (an hour later, but whatever.)

_*_

"Mal, is Karen still locked in M'gann's room?"

You were a little suprised when the two girls finally took their attention off of each other and, simultaneously, onto you.

"Wha--Oh, Yeah. M'gann's with her right now. Conner and them are all being alone with their shame I guess." You said, the bass-y-ness of your voice drawing stark contrast with the gravely rasp of Artemis's and the Gretchen-Weiners tone of Zatanna's.

"Is Conner okay???" Zatanna asked suddenly.

Conner had done something very stupid last night with a Zippo, and even half-Kryptonian healing couldn't save him from a few painful hours. You all felt bad for him, having his arm broken with a watermelon, having his Lucky Charms stolen by a Speedster and a Magician and then drunkenly singeing his junk all in the same night...not as fun as it might sound.

"Yeah, he's....he's never gonna live it down." You chuckled.

_*_

"Guess what I just licked!" Wally slid into the kitchen, his feet sliding on the linoleum as he went from 100 to 0 real quick.* You regarded the stereotypical tie that was tied around his head, (whose tie was that?) and the fact he was missing the bottom half of his costume.

"I feel like too many of our conversations start like this." You said. You and Karen had been the only ones who had yet to migrate from the kitchen and into other areas of the cave. Despite that, you could still hear what all of your friends were do(break)ing.

_*_

"Nah. I was afraid she wasn't going to be able to stay alive. But guess who woke up duct taped to the rafters?" Dick pointed to himself. He was leaned against the counter next to you, watching Cassie and Zatanna grumble at each other. Barbara was just now stepping in, shutting them both up. How she did that, that mediator thing, so well you would never know.

"She also chased her shots with the waffles Wally was throwing at her. Needless to say, I'm a little bit in love." He smiled and then followed after Barbara. 

_*_

"I'm lowkey a sock model." Jason smiled, walking into the kitchen and showing off his knee high socks. He'd chosen to sport Dick's original Robin costume (the one before the one he wore when he started the YJ team.) to this party, complete with the green, scaled underwear and the all yellow cape.

Zatanna was laying on the floor just a few feet away from you, Barbara laying next to her, her ginger hair making a halo around her head as she sang Lady Gaga lyrics to the drunk magician. Babs was a master at multitasking, showing off the skill as she texted Cassie and kept Zee entertained. 

Artemis ran across the room, vaulting herself over several obstacles in a surprisingly acrobatic manner. In her arms she cradled an enormous watermelon sporting Conner's super-shirt and a handful of crumpled cash. 

You weren't entirely surprised when M'gann, eyes glowing a bright green hued white, flew in behind her.

"Yeah. How well does Sock Modeling pay?" You asked.

_*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I'm not even sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I promised another one of these, so here you go. I'm also working on a 'After Young Justice: Invasion.' fic too, so stay tuned.


End file.
